after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
