he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
