I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
