the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
