At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
