Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
