I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
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It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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