he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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