Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Even my vagina gasped.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
