idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
