and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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