Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
