my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
