reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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