Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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