are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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