In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
