they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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