so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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