my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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