Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
