Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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