I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
