I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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