i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
