She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
