Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
