Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
