I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
