is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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