I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
