Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
