By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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