OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
