True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
