I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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