You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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