How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I have post one night stand depression
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
