I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
