while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
