I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
