We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
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beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
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She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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