She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
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He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
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Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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