Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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