ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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