Small penises have feelings too.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
