I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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