I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Pappa wants mamma naked
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
