he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
