This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
