Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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