He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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