shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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