You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just forgot I was standing up.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize