everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
