Got a toothbrush?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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