wanna go halves on a baby?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I have fence marks all over my body
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
