Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
